What Happens When You Sell Out to the Wrong People

Valentino Rossi and Marc Marquez were slugging it out at the Malaysian MotoGP. The way they were going at each other, something had to give. And it did!

Rossi pushed Marquez off his bike.

I was furious! “FUCK YOU ROSSI!” I screamed, running towards the TV. “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!”

My mother came running from the kitchen. “What happened, Vishal?”

"GO BACK TO YOUR WORK, WOMAN!” I shouted, and continued hurling abuses at Rossi.

Okay, that didn’t happen. Here is the real version.

Rossi pushed Marquez off his bike. I sat up in my chair and said “Ooh!”

Mom handed me a plate, saying “ ‘Ooh’ ke bacche, yeh le khaana kha (Stop shouting and eat your food).” And I ate, quietly wondering whether Rossi would be penalized for that horrifying act or would get away scot-free yet again. You see, Rossi is to Dorna Sports (which governs MotoGP) what Robert Vadra is to the Indian National Congress.

Be honest. The first version sounded great, didn’t it? Like I really put myself out there, like it was heartfelt, like passion was running through my veins. You enjoyed reading it. But it wasn’t true. It was grossly exaggerated.

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend about James Altucher. Many of his articles have lines like:

“I’m sorry I lied to you that day I posted on……………..”

“…………and [I] didn’t answer until eventually she left, screaming my name.”

“Fuck you dad. RIP!”

She believes he writes from the heart (no offense dear friend, I know you’re reading this). And I said that he is the Chetan Bhagat of the United States. She scoffed.

Right on cue, James held an Ask Me Anything (AMA) on GrowthHackers last night. For the uninitiated, Growth Hackers is a fabulous portal where people share articles on content, growing a business and online marketing and more. And this was the description.

What did he think he would achieve by mentioning that he went into a ‘depression’ on GrowthHackers, a site dedicated to content marketing? Wait. Maybe this is content marketing. What if James knows that the most effective way for him to market his content (read 'books') is to berate himself? That enables millions to connect with his content, and buy his books.

Kanan Gill summed up the human attraction to grief and misery perfectly (I’m paraphrasing here)

“Suppose we maintain a diary. If we look at a day in 2014, we read about having stepped into a pile of dog shit. That’s all we focused on, that day. The good that occurred found no mention and was taken for granted.”

We like ruing over pain. And we gravitate towards people who share theirs with us. It makes them appear genuine, vulnerable. But is that what we need?

On one side, we have James Altucher who writes about how ‘fucked’ his life has been, in every post. And when I turn my head (or rather turn on the tele), I find yet another news channel slandering a man - something that they have indulged in for almost 15 years.

This man sold tea with his father when he was a child. His mother was a maid at others’ houses so that the family could make ends meet. He joined a political outfit and rose through the ranks to become the Chief Minister of his state. In 2002, a communal riot broke out. The world blamed him for it. The United States denied him a visa. The Supreme Court cleared his name, and he was elected the Prime Minister of India. But to this day, people call him a 'murderer', among millions of other derogatory terms. And he continues toiling to improve the condition of India, to empower the poor and make our country a global superpower. Yes, he is Narendra Modi.

Image Source

Or consider MS Dhoni. The man has captained India to win every competition. But a couple of bad series and we (media and mango men) bay for his blood, prepare the scaffold and wait for the opportunity to take him to it in chains and celebrate with pomp along the way.

Dhoni and Modi are torchbearers of hope for millions across India and the world. And yet we treat them like dirt. If there are people who deserve to cry about how ‘fucked’ their lives are, these two deserve it the most. Yet, their steely determination shows in their eyes as they carry on their work, achieving in a single life what we will not achieve in seven. We, on the other hand, prefer reading stories of people who................. well...............

It’s fine to display emotions. The occasional display shows a side of you that people didn’t know, making you appear more human. But too much self deprecation or broadcasting of misery makes me feel uncomfortable, and it should make you feel the same. Life is about moving forward after all, yes?

James Altucher is fun to read. Please don't misunderstand this post as one saying that you must stop reading his stuff. But for inspiration, look at people who keep moving in spite of the odds rather than selling themselves based on them. It’s time you let people find place inside your heart based on what we want to do. Do you want to whine? Or do you want your life to be worth watching when it flashes by on your deathbed?

For each choice, you have options. Choose wisely.

Why We Loved Jasleen Kaur

By the time you read this, the dust will almost have settled on the Jasleen Kaur-Sarvajeet Singh incident. Mainstream media has already torn the guy to pieces, and social media has torn into the girl. People are bored now, and must be busy oiling their ‘outrage’ guns to point and shoot at someone else.

When Jasleen posted about Sarvajeet Singh on Facebook, it didn't take long for the post to go viral. Yes, we supported Jasleen because she was (is) a girl. Apparently reality was exactly the opposite of what she posted. But this gender bias is not exclusive to India. I remember reading about an outrage caused by a woman who tweeted about a guy. Apparently he cracked a sexist joke while sitting behind her at a tech conference. The joke was not aimed at any gender. It was something innocent and typical that guys would laugh over. But her tweet led to an outrage and cost the guy his job. He was married and had three children at that time.

Let’s look beyond this gender bias. There is a deeper layer. We stood in support of Jasleen for the same reason that we loved Rahul Dravid and Manmohan Singh. The same reason why, even now, there are many supporters of Arvind Kejriwal.

They play the victim card.

Image courtesy: MensXP

See I think mediocrity and internal dissatisfaction are deeply rooted in us because of the way we are treated. Whether while travelling to work, or at our workplaces, we are constantly exposed to situations and people we don’t like, and feel disrespected. Somewhere, everyone of us has felt, or still feels, victimized. And when someone appears to be victimized, when we feel like the person is helpless, our protective instincts go into overdrive.

We believed Dravid was a victim when Ganguly was dropped from the Indian squad after altercations with Greg Chappell. We believed Manmohan Singh was a victim when politicians around him indulged in scams that bled our country dry. We still believe Kejriwal is a victim because of his relentless rants of not having control of Delhi - who cares about the fact that he is busy plotting against the government rather than taking care of his own constituency! We believed Jasleen was a victim because she said that she was harassed by the boy. Arnab Goswami went insane (went?), India outraged (#FightBackIndia), and a police case was lodged against the boy. Well done outragers. And this is precisely why leaders like Narendra Modi and MS Dhoni have countless haters… because they stand for what they believe in, and refuse to answer for their actions to idiots. They refuse to be victims, and that makes us uncomfortable.

Do we know the real story before we outrage? Do we think about the possible repercussions on people before slinging mud on them? Haven’t we shamelessly forwarded WhatsApp jokes like ‘God Bless Sunny Leone’ when Abdul Kalam died, or during the bomb blast in Bangkok, or the crash of MH370? What gives us the right to point fingers at someone else and demand that they be punished? What gives us the right demand that people get scarred for life? 

The media simply sensationalizes these cases for ratings. And we, who have nothing better to do than peek into others’ lives, play along, living our days one outrage after another. All this while the media laughs its way to the bank, politicians quietly indulge in hopelessly immoral acts, and real issues lie suppressed and unaddressed.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that we must ignore issues. But there is a difference between an outrage and a protest. In the former, we simply say slanderous things and call for punishment of those whom WE consider guilty. In the latter, we step out of our houses, leave our phones behind, and do something that makes the relevant people sit up and take notice.

If you want to place your faith in people, place it in those who work quietly, rather than those who keep complaining, or leading outrages, or Cinderellas waiting to be rescued. Remember the proverb you learnt in school: ‘Empty vessels make the most noise’? Maybe our teachers were preparing us for today so that we could behave like mature individuals rather than play ball with people who whip out the victim card more than Arnab Goswami says “The nation wants to know.” Start by looking at your own life and improving it. Reduce looking at the lives of others. Stop whining. Do things that make you happy. You will find that you don’t have the time or patience to participate in outrages. Gradually, you will prefer keeping whiners at a fair distance. And yes, choose your role models carefully. Make a poor choice and you never know when you will wind up at the wrong end of the outrage trend.

I was deeply disturbed when people started sharing the video where a TimesNow journo misbehaved with Sarvajeet Singh. But I was heartened by his courage when he didn’t back down and stayed calm throughout. And gradually, I was also heartened by the fact that websites and people were critical of the appalling behavior of the journalist. Just like the tech conference incident mentioned above, where the woman got a fair bit of flak too, people fought back here, showing that good sense does prevail sometimes.

Jasleen, if you are reading this post, I want to ask you one question: Are you a bully? And you, dear reader, I want to know what you are going to do to stop siding with those who demand sympathy and choose to look at both sides of a story.

Why Smart People Play Their Cards Close to their Chests

Smart and successful people have been playing their cards close to their chests (and breasts) since centuries. Why? I’ll tell you why. But first, let’s talk about some incidents.

Something was nagging me. I discussed the case with a friend. I was just looking for someone to hear me out. I had barely spoken for half a minute when he interrupted, “See, I don’t know much about this, but here’s my advice.” “I don’t want it!”, I wanted to scream. Apparently I didn’t, and my face didn’t betray my mood either, because he carried on talking while I dreamt about visiting Iceland.

Another time, I wanted to try something adventurous. I shared my thoughts with someone I know - I want to call her a friend but the incident left me wondering. “Bad, bad idea! You’re bat shit crazy!”, she disapproved. Discouraged and feeling rather low, I proceeded regardless, expecting little from it. The response, however, was the opposite. It was better than what I expected even before speaking to her.

On both instances, when I got something off my chest, I wished I had shut my mouth instead. And these aren’t isolated cases (how I wish!). They frequently occur in daily life. I’ve suggested some brilliant ideas in my previous companies (yeah, I’m bragging) only to get responses drier than a dead leaf. And when I tried to justify the ideas, or push them forth with conviction, people said that I was being defensive. Maybe I was. Who am I, the Dalai Lama to nonchalantly smile while people trounce my ideas and thoughts?

I’ll bet my life’s savings on you having experienced similar emotions too. Many times…

So, why do most people either pull you down or start giving you unsolicited advice, despite meaning well? It’s the feeling of self-importance. People like to plug themselves into every damn conversation and situation. “What would I have done in such a case?”, they think. And they respond without considering that your and their circumstances are different, or that you didn’t ask for their advice. And in case you did ask, they either believe that you will fail or are gripped by sheer jealousy because maybe… just maybe… you may succeed.

“People love you when you’re average. It makes them comfortable. But when you pursue greatness, it makes people uncomfortable. Be prepared to lose some people on your journey”, said Tony A. Gaskins Jr. So damn true. Now you get why people who achieve more often speak little in public?

People who speak less don’t have highly classified, CIA-type plans. Instead, they share those with a few trusted people. This eliminates the pretentious concept of ‘democracy’ where many people state unwelcome opinions and nothing is achieved. Instead, the smart folk put their plans into action, and when those yield good results, the world commends them saying that it knew that they always had it in them. MS Dhoni and Narendra Modi come to mind.

But the discomfort caused by people telling them what to do is not the only reason smart people play their cards close to their chest. Here’s one instance when I shot myself in the foot by being too honest.

I shared a unique thought on a topic for an assignment during college with a friend. He went on to tell the teacher the idea, as if it was his all along. So he created a good impression in her mind (in those days that was important to us), while I was left introducing my forehead to the wall repeatedly.

You get the drift. And again, I’ll bet my life’s savings.

The world has enough people who will take whatever you say or do and twist it to benefit themselves. It is also full of people who will support you in your pursuits and stand by your side rather than ‘advice’ you on what to do at every step. It’s important to find the latter and only have those people surround you. In this amazing infographic, James Altucher states that most successful artists, businesspeople, performers and the likes have surrounded themselves with people who have supported them in their ventures - something that played an indispensable role in them achieving success.

So think before you speak. Take your time before opening up to someone and sharing your beliefs and secrets with them. Be decisive with what you share. Test the waters before you dive into it headlong. Share your deepest thoughts and concerns with a select few who encourage you to do what you intend to. And until you find such people, be tenacious and silent. It not only saves you emotional distress of but also makes you resolute. People may call you stubborn and rude, but you can simply shrug and walk away, knowing that these are the very people who will suck up to you when you succeed.

I can count the number of people I trust on the fingertips of one hand. What about you? Whom do you trust? And why? I would love to hear from you.

10 Similarities Between Dhoni and Modi

Despite being anti-IPL, I have been following it a lot this season, partly because I want to rally behind our players who couldn’t win the World Cup. Sounds lame, doesn’t it? But hey, I’m being honest with you here.

A couple of weeks ago was my 32nd birthday. I was thinking of keeping celebrations low-key and chilling at home. Chennai Super Kings were playing Mumbai Indians at the Wankhede stadium and I was going to watch it at home (you can figure out my birth date now). Instead, Ramya got tickets for the Sachin Tendulkar Stand. Thanks to her, I finally saw Mahendra Singh Dhoni live in action.

If you know me (or have read my posts), you know that I am a huuuuge MS Dhoni fan. More than his powerful hitting and habit of winning, I admire his philosophies on life. I consider him as Dhonicharya and myself as Eklavya, though I haven’t learnt enough from him yet.

Dhoni was his typical self in the match - calm, composed and unhurried. It was mind-blowing to see the number of CSK supporters in a stadium in Mumbai, until Dhoni came out to bat. It then hit me like a bullet in the chest. They were all Dhoni fans! While screaming “Dhoni, Dhoni” with thousand others that night, I felt like I had seen this somewhere else. Oh yes, I had seen it on TV. A lot! Only instead of “Dhoni, Dhoni”, people were chanting “Modi, Modi”.

The similarities are striking

I thought about it on the way back. Are Dhoni and Modi similar? My heart and brain emphatically said “Yes! In more respects than one.” And when your heart and brain agree on something, you really want to talk about it! So I thought of listing 10 similarities between the two veterans in their respective fields.

1. Both carry the hopes of 1.2 billion countrymen on their shoulders
   One thing that unites India is cricket. And one thing that divides India is politics. Events in both of them impact the entire country massively. Being the captain of the Indian cricket team places a colossal burden on Dhoni’s shoulders, just like being the Prime Minister of India does to Modi. The entire nation’s hopes rest on them. But why do we have high hopes of them? Well, read point number 2.
   
   
2. Both possess unwavering self-belief
   As long as Dhoni is at the crease, any target, however distant, looks achievable. Remember the last time we felt like this? Yes, it was during the Sachin Tendulkar era. Similarly, when Modi galvanizes himself and his team into action, we are left inspired almost always. Remember the wave of delight across the country when the BJP won a landslide victory in the 2014 Elections? How do these 2 real life superheroes make us believe in them? How have they been so effective in what they do? It’s because they believe in themselves. They back their abilities, and deliver more often than not. And since others see in us what what see in ourselves, people believe in Dhoni and Modi too. Their sheer presence exudes a certain charisma and gives us hope - the only emotion stronger than fear.
   
   
3. Both have brilliant perspectives on things
   Yet another commonality between Dhoni and Modi is their enviable intelligence. This intelligence stems from years of mental and physical training, empowering them to have a brilliant perspective on things. They are astute students of life, possessing the ability to look beyond the present and chart out plans to handle situations before they even arise.
   
   For instance, here is how Modi meticulously plans every action of a strategy down to the last detail. And Dhoni… well, he says “People generally have Plan B to fall back on. I have Plans B, C and D.” Unbelievable!
   
   
4. Yet, both are massively misunderstood
   In this post, Oliver Emberton has beautifully explained that the more you impact people’s lives, the more they will misunderstand you. Since 2.4 billion eyes (and a lot of foreign ones) are watching both Dhoni and Modi closely, every move they make is scrutinized and dissected. And then there are us Indians. The more the world applauds one of our own for being unconventional, the more more we hurl insults at him (APJ Kalam is an exception to this rule, thankfully!). Someone who doesn’t tell us what his intent is, becomes an antagonist. Thankfully, both Modi and Dhoni keep away from the limelight. This saves them time that would otherwise be wasted in explaining their actions to people who won’t listen anyway. How they do it? How do they soak up this pressure and still be retain their amazing attitudes? The next point answers these questions.
   
   
5. Both have mastered the art of detachment
   The Bhagavad Gita preaches about performing action without attachment towards fruit. But how many of us can follow it? Well, Dhoni and Modi are two living beings who do so every single day. "If tomorrow he has to say goodbye to all the trappings of fame, Dhoni will calmly get on his motorbike and go away. He is that rarity who treats both those impostors - wins and losses - in the same way. He simply plays the game”, said Sunil Gavaskar.
   
   
   We have read unlimited articles and posts about Modi’s simple and austere lifestyle also. The sheer dignity with which our Prime Minister conducts himself despite what people say about him shows what he thinks of critics. I would love Modi to have 2 more terms as India’s Prime Minister. But if he doesn’t, I’m sure that he will still be at peace, knowing that he gave it his all. Such remarkable clarity of thought and ability to endure cannot be accomplished without detachment - from others’ opinions about them, materialistic pleasure, results and everything else.
   
   
6. Both aim to serve Mother India
   It’s amply clear from the Indian Prime Minister’s and cricket captain's interviews and speeches that their prime goal is to serve their nation. For Dhoni, his country comes above everything else, even above his parents. Narendra Modi has dedicated his entire life to serving his nation, including valiant actions that we don’t know about to keep India united.
   
   
7. Both distrust the media
   It’s no secret that both Modi and Dhoni distrust the media. By now we’re familiar with Modi’s aversion to mainstream media. Thousands of media journos beg for an interview with him, but he and his cabinet air their views only on Doordarshan and All India Radio. And he has substantially reduced the size of the entourage of the press traveling overseas with a Prime Minister, which has pissed off many journos who now write and talk horse shit about him frequently.
   
   
   Similarly, Dhoni has instructed the Indian cricket team not to speak to the media. He has shown what he thinks about the media on multiple instances. When asked about his retirement plans recently, Dhoni said “The media should conduct a thorough research, come up with conclusions and write the exact opposite, because that will be the truth.” On another occasion, when Dhoni was asked whether a rumor about the Indian team’s dressing room would be spread, he said “Newspapers like Times of India will do that for us. So I won't bother.” And I’m a sucker for people who don’t trust mainstream media.
   
   
8. Both give credit where it's due and prefer avoiding the limelight
   The Indian cricket team is called ‘Dhoni’s boys’. The current Indian government is called ‘the Modi government’. However, rarely, if ever, do we see either of these evolved souls taking centre stage and hogging the limelight. When India wins a trophy, Dhoni is generally invisible in the team photo, often standing with the support staff in the second row. When a good budget is announced or good policies are implemented, Modi is nowhere in the limelight either. He stealthily goes about his work to make India a better place to live in for you and me. Did you see his response to #ThankYouPM?
   
   
9. Both live in the present
   There is no denying that Dhoni and Modi work with the future in mind. They have to. However, they both possess the remarkable trait of living in the present moment. I have never seen Dhoni fuss about the future - he simply focuses on the current ball of the current over in the current match. Rahul Dravid says, “He has a unique ability to ignore consequences and soak up pressure. This makes it easier for everyone else. He is calm and measured. Win, lose, he can walk away.” And when he is off the field, he simply switches off from cricket and enjoys life outside.
   
   
   Modi is no different. Yes, he thinks a lot about our future (as he should), but he works in the present. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that he asks himself “What can I do now to improve our country’s future?”, and works accordingly. The last time developmental work was carried out at such furious pace was 1991. Instead of dreaming about our ideal future, Modi prefers to act in the present. And living the current moment to its fullest is the mark of a great human being.
   
   
10. Yet, we choose to learn from neither
    Both Dhoni and Modi have infinite lessons to teach us; lessons which will make us better human beings. Yet, we refuse to learn from them and instead carry on with our mundane and hollow lives. It’s like we fear the consequences of living like them. But trust me, life is much better when you emulate Dhoni and Modi. The shackles fall off and you no longer feel like singing “I want to break free” because you already have broken free.

Each of us comes in this world to serve a purpose. I think that God sent Dhoni and Modi to inspire millions of us, apart from excelling in their fields. And boy, do they serve their purposes well or what! I hope that someday, I get to meet them and learn more about the core philosophies that govern their lives. If I can be 10 percent as honest, as genuine and as driven as either of them, my life’s purpose will be accomplished.

I’m sure that you can point many more similarities between them which are not listed here. Why not share them in comments? And for heaven’s sake, keep them positive. There is enough negativity in this world, so you don’t need to contribute to it.