A Stupid Trait in Human Beings

I’d like to tell you about a low phase in my life. I had friend (or so I thought) who was never happy. Nitpicking, finding fault and blaming others for her messes were part of her daily routine. To the extent that she once even blamed a McDonalds waiter for not telling her to order a meal other than the one she ordered because she would change her mind later.

Was I spared? No sir! My wardrobe, personality, sense of humor, preference of books over movies… everything I believed in was ridiculed by her. I kept trying to change myself to fit her mould (as I said, not a phase I’m proud of). The more I tried, the more I hated myself. And the louder her criticism became. I kept going deeper into a shell, bordering on depression. Until one day I had enough and walked out on the “friendship”. No amount of pleading or coercion has convinced me to reverse the stand.

You see, I let her govern my life. Why was I so stupid? Well, that is what I want to talk about.

Man, by nature, is a social animal. And part his social nature includes the desire to please people. That’s okay. We all need to please people so that we can live with them. Think about it. You have kept the people who can please you close to you, isn’t it?

But when we take this to the next level, the trouble begins. What do I mean by the next level? Well, the desire to please people who are never satisfied.

Please dump negative people

Don’t mistake this post as one blaming women. I have seen middle aged men being repeatedly vehement and scathing in their remarks about everyone else. Some have chosen to ignore, bust most others have tried to toe in line. The latter, especially youngsters, have gone out of their way to please the unhappy bastards, only to be ridiculed further. Repeated dialogues of “Shame on you”, “How can you even think you can…” have made people try harder to please the self-proclaimed perfectionists, only to be demeaned further. Those perfectionists, ironically, are people who only worsen something when they stick their noses into it. And yet, the vast majority spends all its energy in trying to please them. This happens everywhere… corporate, friends, blogging, get-togethers, seminars, home… everywhere.

Too many times we anchor our happiness on endorsement from others. However, remember that people who keep finding fault with others draw their happiness from such lowly acts. Trying to please these emotional vampires is impossible. You only make yourself unhappy in the process because you keep going against what you stand for and don’t even see positive results.

Confident people tide over such pessimists. This confidence stems from belief. Belief that they are worth something, that they don’t need someone an opinion on how they are living their lives. Believe me, you are better off without pessimists however much they claim to offer “constructive criticism for your own good.” Remember, every person is a product of the 5 people she spends most time with. If you are spend time with people who are forever bickering and criticizing, do you have any idea how much you will hurt your mind and soul?

It’s time to move on. Leave the wrong people behind. Life functioned before them, and it will after them too. And believe me, once you do so, you will be happier.

Do you agree? Or disagree? Drop a comment.

image courtesy: Google Images

What is the Purpose of Your Life?

Sisyphus had betrayed Zeus. As a result, he was cursed by the God of Lightning to push a rock up a hill all day only to see it roll down at night. This, Sisyphus was to do till the end of eternity.

While this may be a fable in Greek’s mythological books, it is quite similar to the lives most of us are living today. Get up at the same time, catch the same transport, do the same work, come home and sleep. Eating lunch at the same time with the same people, watching the same TV shows, using the same Whatsapp all day… how are our lives any different from Sisyphus? Well, for one, we won’t live till the end of eternity. Thank God for that!

Which gets me to the question – why do we do this? Follow the same routine till even monotony starts feeling monotonous? It’s probably because this is our only understanding of life now. We’re searching for a purpose, a reassurance. We’re chasing money today so that we can secure our future tomorrow. Thing is though, the money we have is never enough to own the things we want. So what should we do?

Dalai Lama provides an enlightening insight – The main purpose of life is to seek happiness. Yes, we need food, clothing and shelter. But you don’t need more money, more fame or more success. Money will be enough when we learn to control our wants and desires. Easier said than done, eh? Well, here are some things you can try. Let me know if they work.

First understand the law of causality. This law states that your state of mind is dependent upon the actions you take. Your mindset is bad when you do things which you dislike and good when you do things you like. So you must do more of what you like and less of what you don’t. Don’t stagnate in that job if you don’t wake up in the morning looking forward to it. Switch to something which lets you do what you’re good at. Mind you, you are creative; let nobody tell you otherwise. And until you get the job you want, cultivate a hobby. Read books, learn musical instruments and languages, write, play sports, attend musical concerts… let go of the god damn TV and mobile phone. Try it and see the difference in your mindset in 21 days.

Yet another thing is revising your perception. Stop looking at things as either very good or very bad. Remember that incidents today are a result of what occurred in the past. And it is not necessary that things will stay bad. If things are bad today, they will get better tomorrow. Also, look at people less fortunate than you instead of the wealthier ones. Someone I know regularly distributes drinking water bottles to traffic policemen. And he says, “They politely decline if I offer 2 bottles to 3 of them, saying 1 will suffice. And each time I've offered a bottle, they offer me water from it despite standing in the searing heat for hours. Their attitude of sharing is touching.” So you see. Interacting with people who less fortunate than you will make you feel grateful for your life and improve your Happiness Quotient (HQ?).

Remember, happiness doesn't lie in the TV set, social media, lavish parties or lunches. It lies within you. To be happy, you must tap into your inner good and be compassionate toward others. As Audrey Hepburn said, “For beautiful eyes, see the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”

There are many ways to achieve inner happiness. I have listed just 2. Looking forward to your additions in the comments section J

image Courtesy: Google Images