5 Reasons Why No One Listens to You

We all have a common complaint with the world – it doesn't listen to us. Our kids, friends, parents, office colleagues – no one listens to us. But they should! They should heed every word we say. And do as we say. After all we know what’s best for them. We know the best way to do things. Right? Wrong!

The world is increasingly becoming louder. People are raising their voices to be heard over others. And you're increasingly getting stressed because people won't listen to you. But why won't they? Honestly, the problem doesn't lie with them. It lies with you.

Here are 5 basic reasons why your kids/spouse/friends/parents/office colleagues/peers won't listen to you. Tell me if you're nodding while reading even 1:

1.) You’re not saying things right: In ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’, Dale Carnegie said “The only way to make someone do something is to make him want to do it.” It’s so good I’m going to repeat it: 

The only way to make someone do something is to make him want to do it. 

Try this: Stand up and tell someone “I want you to _____ (fill in the blanks with what you want done)”. On the other hand, show the person what she stands to gain from doing a task. Study your success rate in each case.

It’s obvious that the 2nd method is more successful. Everyone thinks about just 1 person – himself! Every man has just 1 thought when doing something “What will I get out of it.” So tomorrow if your child isn't listening to you, try telling him in simple language what his benefit is. Eating boring food will make him strong enough to fight the bully, behaving well will make more people like him and he will get more friends. If you want your spouse to help in house cleaning, tell him how sharing responsibilities will take his mind off work and refresh him...you get the drift. Remember, the only way someone will do something when he sees his benefit in it.

2.) You’re interfering too much: You may be a Niccolo Tesla in your field, but interfere too much in other people’s work and kiss your popularity goodbye. Meddlesome people are not appreciated, neither are they sought after. Maybe people will listen to them, but only grudgingly. They don't make true friends and followers; people who align to their way of thought, who listen to what they say and do it because they want to. They only find puppets, and after one point in time, the puppets start slowing them down.

As William McKnight, Chairman of 3M says “If you fence around people, you get sheep. Give them the room they need.” What sound advice! Let people think for themselves. Let your kids do something which isn't critical the wrong way; let your friends go to a restaurant which you've told them is not good. Let your office colleague try something different. She may show you an alternate way of doing things. Else she will learn her own lessons. And trust me, when you speak less, people listen to you more.

3.) Your concepts are not clear: People want to listen to you, but you’re not making sense. Things you are talking about are so complex that listeners have zoned out within a couple of minutes. Your concepts, beliefs and ideas are too hard to comprehend, let alone implement. Are you guilty of these aspects when you speak to someone?

Albert Einstein said “If you can’t explain something simply, you don’t understand it.” I'm going to do it again. I'm going to repeat it.

If you can’t explain something simply, you don’t understand it.

Herb Kelleher had explained the business model of Southwest Airlines to Rollin King on a napkin. When you want to explain something to someone, keep it short and simple. Tell your child or spouse what you want in simple terms briskly. Give your office colleagues a gist of your idea in less than 60 seconds. That will keep your ideas simple. Plus, the human brain comprehends simple ideas and concepts easily. That’s why Apple products are so popular… they’re clear, uncluttered and simple enough to not need a manual.

"I'm not listening to you!"

4.) You’re not listening: You’re busy fiddling with your cell phone, staring at your computer screen, fiddling with pages of a book or admiring the scene around. This makes the talker feel belittled, disrespected. So why will she listen to you? 

Studies show that the human mind mirrors what it sees. So if it sees gloom, it turns sad. If it sees happiness, it is filled with joy. Likewise, if the mind gauges that the person in front is not listening, it won’t listen either. People will give only when they get, and not vice versa. So if you want someone to listen to you, listen to them first.

5.) You’re a self professed ‘Know-It-All’: “I know what we should talk about in this meeting. Listen to me.” “I know how your friends behave on your playground. Don’t lie to me!” “I know how your boss must be. It must be your attitude because of which he troubles you.” “I know how the marketing team must function (though I’m a part of HR).” “I know how economics works (though I've never even touched the subject)”. “I know… don’t tell me.” “I know… don’t teach me.” Have you come across someone like this in your life?

If you’ve lived a normal life, you certainly have. And how do you feel when this person speaks? And maybe… just maybe… people aren't listening to you because you indulge in this yourself. The ‘I Know Everything’ attitude is the biggest recipe for disaster. Not only will you repulse people, but you will also get so neck deep in shit in life that you won’t be able to find your way out. No one knows everything. There is always someone better than you at everything you know or do.

Man or woman has rarely achieved anything without others. Man, by design, is a social animal. Dhoni achieved all he did in the cricket world because he had team members who listened to him. Even Gandhi became the Father of the Nation only after people listened to (and followed) him. If you want to discipline your kids, be popular among friends, climb up the corporate ladder or simply have a gratifying relationship, you need people to listen to you. Nelson Mandela, Benjamin Franklin, Martin Luther King Jr. – they've understood and abided by this ultimate truth. It’s time we did too!

What are other reasons because of which people may not listen to you? Do share your thoughts in comments.

image Courtesy: Google Images

How Much Has Our Brain Developed...

Over the centuries? Very little, from the looks of it. It’s 2012. Yet, here we are, falling over each other, proud to be part of the Cattle Class and dragging along each day. We now live under the illusions of possessions, crappy serials, petty politics and self importance.

Those in the 16^th & 17^th centuries had imagined the 21^st century would be the age of robots and artificial intelligence. What went wrong?

We are still stuck inside our lizard brains. For the uninitiated, it’s that part of the brain which is concerned with survival, food and sex (the very basic needs and emotions). We refuse to move beyond it. Relentlessly arguing with those who don’t get our point, feeling cheated if someone else gets what we felt we deserved, looking to avenge pain someone inflicted on us... the list can go on and on. We want to conform to those in power; be it our parents, teachers, bosses, influential friends or even those running the world. We want to study so we get a good paying job. So we do exactly what our teachers tell us. Then we do what our bosses say. Then our families, our children, our friends, our peers; all this just to ensure we live in the comfort zone. Comparison becomes a way of life.

The world talks crap: innovation and creativity! But when it’s action time, higher ups expect us to do exactly what they want. Why? They probably encountered the same thing. They’re so mired in mediocrity that’s all they can measure. Do you want to go the same way?

Chanakya, my guru for life.

Stop living in your comfort zone. You cannot make a difference by sitting in a plush corporate office. All you learn in cubicles is appeasing egos, while the real world is out there. On the streets. You learn it by watching, absorbing and comprehending. And accepting! Develop different points of view, learn what people’s latent needs are, understand what works with them and what doesn’t, how they can help you in making this world a better place, how you can contribute to society... forget people who left you, caused you grief, laughed at what you believed in; there are millions like them waiting to be herded by you the moment you do something ground breaking. Fighting doesn’t get you what you want. Even if it does, it’s a hollow victory. Breaking someone else’s furniture doesn’t make yours look any better. Only when we move beyond this lizard brain we will be able to build something more beautiful and make the world a better place. Here's how we can do it.

Yes, world has forged way ahead of what it was 200 – 300 years ago. But that isn’t because we humans have advanced over the years; it’s because some humans were adventurous enough to venture past the lizard brain and build something new... Niccolo Tesla (the real inventor of electricity), Galileo, Jack Welch, Steve Jobs and our very own Lal Bahadur Shastri, Azim Premji, Kishore Biyani and Narayan Murthy to name a few. They invented, innovated, built products, services and companies which are epitomes of success today. We merely copy what they did. Mind you, we do a sucky job at even that.

Our brain has developed substantially since the days of Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln and Dale Carnegie. But how much of it are we utilizing? If we don’t go past petty issues we still dwell on, our kids will inherit a soulless world. Are we doing enough right now? Stand up! Don’t be afraid of being different. The world may laugh at you, but it needs you. It needs you to fix it, to make it sane, to see the bigger picture and be indispensable. It needs you to do something no one can repay you for. Yes, the world needs you. Can you deliver?