Remember This When Life Throws You A Curveball

I requested the instructor to let me do a few light exercises and stretches. I had two bowls of banana chips before hitting the gym that day (yes I know, I got carried away).

He had other ideas.

Forty five minutes, 25 burpees, 40 pushups, 200 mountain runs, infinite squats, jumping jacks and skipping jumps later, I crawled out of the gym on my butt. Sweat dripped from my eyebrows and my t-shirt was soaking wet. The air beautifully cool and refreshing. I generally love this feeling after a workout. Only, today I was ready to puke.

Somehow, I got to my feet and sat on the stairs. The banana chips were at war with my throat, and would win the battle any minute. Survival of the toughest. Or is it fittest? I can’t remember.

The instructor joined me. “What happened?” he asked. I revolved my palm in front of my chest indicating that I wanted to throw up.

“Don’t worry, hang in there for a few minutes,” he said. “It will be okay.”

"I will feel better if I puke", I used my hands to tell him.

"Nope, just hang in there. Breathe."

Five minutes later, I was back on my feet, and back in the gym for an awesome session of stretching. I didn’t throw up.

Often (rather almost every time), life throws a curveball at us. Where we err is in giving up or giving in too early. Things are not dismal as they appear. Trust me. Yes, they go bad, but they’re just detours. And a detour does not mean that we stop our journey or turn back. It simply means that the journey might take us longer. Might as well enjoy our time on the way because we could experience something beautiful.

Ready?

My neighbor sums it up brilliantly when she says, “Our mind wants to feel important. If something good occurs, it perches on Cloud 9. On the other hand, if something bad occurs, it makes us feel like the world will collapse on us.”

Hang in there. Too many people don’t know how close they were to their goals when they gave up. In the end, it will be okay.

Nothing is as good, or as bad, as our mind makes it. The biggest problem with life is the image in our mind of how it is ‘supposed to be’. It’s okay to want life to be a certain way, but it’s also okay to be okay with how life turns out. Because in the end, everything will be okay.

Yes, sometimes, life takes really really ugly turns. At such times, remember what Steve Jobs said: “You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”

Jeff Haden writes, “Perspective always clears away the fog. When we look forward, the path seems uncertain and the future unpredictable. When we look back, all the dots seem to connect.”

The darkest hours of your life right will teach you valuable lessons. They will make you stronger, unless you are the ‘must-hold-on-firmly-to-my-past’ type. I speak from experience. Every painful event in my life - which I felt I could never recover from - has made me better. In fact, the biggest blunder I committed (more on that a few years later) put me on the path to entrepreneurship, something I had been putting off for years.

The wound is the place where the light enters you. - Rumi

Remember, dear friend, that whatever happens today will be okay. Just have faith and hang in there. Don’t give up on hope or on your life.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Do share them with me on Twitter or Facebook. 

1 Fundamental Flaw in Parenting Since Centuries Which Needs Fixing

One Sunday morning, a friend invited me to his house for a cup of tea after we completed our jog. I like the positive vibes his house gives out and am particularly fond of his daughter. I asked if she was awake and he said “yes”. So I went over. I occasionally glanced at what she was doing while sipping tea and chatting with my friend. I don’t intrude in children’s private spaces unless invited. The sofa we sat on had wide arm rests, but I was visibly discomforted by keeping my arm on it while holding the cup of tea. His daughter noticed, placed coasters on both arm rests and said to us, “Now keep your cups here while you talk.” It was amazing how comfortable things became after that simple step. We sipped tea, placed our cups on the coasters and continued talking. Oh, did I mention that she was 2 years old then?

There are more incidents like this. Kamini Lakhani, who works with children on autism spectrum, informs me that some of the most profound insights on life which she has gained have come from 9 year olds on the spectrum. And it’s unbelievable how much they know. One of her students is a whiz when it comes to airplane models. The other - a splendid painter - knows when she is stressed without even seeing her.

I am reminded of Groucho Marx’s quote: “Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail of it.” Do you know who invented the concept of SMSes, way back in the early 90s? No, it wasn’t Nokia. It was Finnish teens - boys who were too scared to ask girls out on a date and girls who wanted to keep their BFFs updated real time about what was happening on the date.

Since the event at the friend’s house, I’ve started asking more children for solutions to problems. As said before, I don’t treat them like children unless they are less than 1 1/2 years old. “Baccha hi toh hai" (s/he’s just a child) is no longer part of my lingo, and it is painful to see parents dismiss their children’s intelligent suggestions saying “Beta, abhi tum bacche ho” (you’re just a child now).

As parents, it is your responsibility to get your child involved with you as soon as possible. There is no ripe age to begin. The 1st 5 years are their most crucial ones. In fact, I have observed that children who are involved in their fathers’ and mothers’ interests from a very young age often turn out more confident than their peers and excel at something (to hell with research). Steve Jobs’ adopted father imbibed the importance of beauty in him from a very early age. See how the world benefited? You’re probably reading this article on a gorgeous iPhone right now. What if Paul Jobs had said “Steve, tum abhi bacche ho, tum nahi samjhoge” (Steve, you won’t understand because you are a child). I was delighted to see my friends Purvesh and Mital take their toddler to Comic Con dressed as Superman! That is the level of involvement I’m talking about.

Shivansh (Superman), Mital (Lara) and Purvesh (Captain America) at Comic Con

It has become awfully easy to ignore our children today. You want your child to stop disturbing you with endless questions? Simply buy her an iPhone or an iPad, install WiFi and banish her to her room. As Nouman Ali says, your child will use these gadgets to find a new set of parents online. Do you want to be a good parent? Then introduce your child to something good which has her hooked from a young age. And be with her, guide her, track her progress. Give her the “teachings” you want to impart constructively. Take care of her diet. More healthy food for the brain and body and less money for junk. And instead of spending time Facebooking about how nasty men are, imbibe values in your child to become a better human (yes, cranky moms, this is aimed directly at you).

It has always been a mistake on our part to be dismissive of children’s opinions instead of being inclusive. If you want your child to make you proud, listen to her. Value her opinions and suggestions. You never know where the next Oprah Winfrey is lurking, unable to show herself because no one will listen to her. Nor do you know which suggestion of her’s will solve a major problem in your life. And for God’s sake, stop counting your sacrifices. Unless Lord Indra begged you to give birth, it is your duty to endure for the child. It is your responsibility to make your child a better human rather than a better slave to the world’s status quo.

I hope we really understand what children need and deserve. They don't crave for fancy phones or junk food. They want to be heard, respected and most importantly, loved! Your thoughts on this? You don’t have to be a parent to have an opinion, you know.

10 New Year Resolutions That Will (Hopefully) Make Me A Better Person

I don’t remember the last time I made a New Year’s Resolution (let alone stick to it). But I read this amazing article by Jeff Haden and thought “Why not make these my New Year’s Resolutions?” MS Dhoni's retirement from test matches has left me with a certain hollowness. I want to be more like him - a composed, intelligent, humble and genuine human being driven by a larger purpose in life. These 10 resolutions should be a good place to start.

1. No waiting until I am convinced I will succeed
   People close to me know that I have been wanting to embark on a project since 2011. Fear (and sheer laziness) have helped me make excuses for 3 years (4 now, since it’s 2015 already). This year, the project will see the light of day. And I will do whatever I’m capable of to make it succeed. If I don’t find time, I will make it.
   
   
2. No being distracted by notifications
   In 2015, schedules will be adhered to… diligently. No more peeking into Facebook or glancing through emails or Whatsapp during those times. As I write this article, the SelfControl app has already been put to work, blocking my access to Facebook, Twitter and Quora. You will see me less on Facebook and taking more time to respond to emails and Whatsapp messages. There, you have been informed.
   
   
3. No blaming others - for anything
   There is a amazing quote on social media - “You cannot build your house on someone else’s property.” This means that people must not rely on others’ platforms to succeed in their online strategies. I think the same holds true for life. This year, whatever happens, I will refrain from saying “I didn’t get what I wanted because of [name].” If I want something, I will do what it takes to get it. The onus is on me, not anyone else. No more blame games. But no attempts to sabotage someone’s spotlight either. Credit will be given wherever it’s due.
   

   

   image Courtesy: Mark Teasdale/Flickr

   
   
4. No checking of my phone while talking to someone
   I’ll try something even harder. I won’t pull my phone out when I am with someone. Even if I do, it will lie silently in a corner, so that I can give the person in front of me the respect s/he deserves. I will bring conversations back to being with people in front of me rather than being with those who are not.
   
   
5. No multitasking
   I suck at multitasking. And it looks like people around are getting even better at it. However, their boats barely move forward. Maybe because we are paddling to move forward, to the left, towards Northeast and Southwest at the same time (I didn’t say NorthWest because you would start talking about Kim Kardashian’s baby). Research shows that multitasking reduces our productivity by up to 50%. So I’ll follow Steve Jobs’ saying “Being busy doesn’t count. What counts is what you are doing to stay busy.” Goodbye multitasking. Hello productivity.
   
   
6. No interrupting
   I've got into the stinkingly bad habit of interrupting people while they speak. I was proud of being an astute listener, but my ego is getting the better of me. In 2015, I will genuinely listen to people without thinking about responding. Once the person finishes her statement, I’ll take a few seconds to frame what I want to say (or ask). And if the person starts speaking in the interim, I’ll start listening again. And if we are talking and I interrupt you, please point it out.
   
   
7. No whining
   I’m responsible for my future. Even if I want to wallow in self-pity, I’ll take a leaf out of Jennifer Anniston’s book. The “Why Me” syndrome and brooding will last 1 evening. The next morning, the focus will return to fixing things.
   
   
8. No relinquishing control to the past
   What’s gone is gone. Nothing can be done about it. I have committed some blunders. Maybe they will come back to haunt me, maybe they won’t. But they won’t decide where I go from here. Each new day is an opportunity to start afresh. I will treat it as one.
   
   
9. No wasting time on people and things that don't matter
   
   Less time watching TV, reading Times of India (ToI-let paper) and other mainstream papers, browsing Facebook and meeting people who believe that the universe is conspiring against them (this includes AAP supporters). More time helping people and sharpening 3 skills which I believe will pay off in the future - communication, music and ‘getting things f**king done’.
   
   
10. No talking behind another person's back
    
    “If it’s not your place to talk to someone about what they’ve done, it’s definitely not your place to talk about them.” I’ve been part of bitchy gossip; hell, I’ve even initiated some of them! This year, the only things that I will say about people behind their backs is how awesome they are. If I have to say something unpleasant, it either will be on the person’s face or won’t come out at all. 

So there they are. My New Year’s Resolutions for 2015. I’m going to periodically track how I’m doing on each of them.

Your turn. What are your resolutions? I would love to hear from you.

How Intelligent Are You?

I've hugely been inspired by Sir Ken Robinson ever since I heard his TED talk. I also ended up reading his book. It wasn't as inspiring as his speech, but that’s another point. But there are some amazingly insightful points on creativity he touches upon. I’d like to discuss one of them here.

Often when Sir Robinson asks a group a question “How would you rate your intelligence from 0-10?” he gets a patterned response. Very few people rate their intelligence between 9 and 10 and as many rate them between 3 and 4. For saving some people the embarrassment he doesn't go below the rating 3. But the vast majority of the group almost always rates its intelligence between 5 and 7. A typical bell curve is formed.

Bell Curve on people rating their intelligence from 0-10

Sir Robinson believes that this method of gauging intelligence is flawed. Intelligence cannot be measured by a SAT, GMAT or JEE score. That’s simply a mark of how well you can study. It isn't necessary that people with low IQ scores are not intelligent. I know – it sounds like a paradox, right? After all, IQ does stand for Intelligence Quotient.

So what is intelligence? A common way to define it is “the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.” Most people think intelligence is tangible, measurable. But intelligence is also linked to different aspects like logic, abstract thinking, understanding, self-awareness, communication and more. Can intelligence be measured in those aspects too?

It can’t, can it? Intelligence is not just about how good you are at mathematics, logical reasoning and language. It’s also about how good you are at solving problems; even ensuring they don’t arise. Or how brilliant you are in your field – be it advertising, marketing, finance… even cooking! Or your ability to gauge situations… see what is not seen by others. Or your ability to manage people well.

These aspects cannot be quantified. However, it doesn't mean that people possessing these skills are not intelligent. Yes, floating news is that Steve Jobs and Bill Gates had IQs of 160, but their intelligence was not defined by how much their SAT scores were. Also, it’s unlikely that Sir Richard Branson would score well in an IQ test. Will you say that he, Sharad Pawar, Dhirubhai Ambani and the likes are/were not intelligent people? Or would you say Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Sachin Tendulkar are not intelligent because they weren't great at academics?

We believe education makes us intelligent. Unfortunately, education is often assumed to be the curriculum taught in school. Ever wondered why maths and science are given more weightage while arts and music take a back seat? Because the industry needs the former… maths and science are more likely to get us a job. But creativity and intelligence are different. They demand you think and act beyond more than what this world expects of you. And each one of us is intelligent; each of us is creative. We've just stifled that side of us for fear of ridicule from the world. And we try to curb that intelligence in kids also, thinking that being different won’t get them anywhere. Apart from not being fair, this robs the world of many opportunities to improve… in art, culture, technology, education and more.

Remember, the question shouldn't be “How Intelligent Are You?” Instead, ask yourself (and anyone else) “How Are You Intelligent?” What makes you special, not how special you are.

image Courtesy: Google Images

The 1 Question That Matters Most...

As a kid, I loved sweets – especially kulfi. When I was 7, I attended a wedding where the kulfi was really tasty. I didn't stop at 1 plate. As I helped myself to a 3^rd, my mom scornfully looked at me and said “Don’t eat so much.” “Why?” I asked. “Because it’s bad manners.” Being a typical 7-year old, I ignored her, finished my plate and took another one. My dad, who presumably had been watching my gluttonery, asked me “How many plates of kulfi would you order if you invited 100 people to a wedding?” “100”, I said, stout chested, proud of my maths. “And how many people will get to kulfi if you eat 4 plates?” he questioned. “96.” Suddenly I started feeling bad. “So 4 people at this wedding will not get to eat kulfi. If you really want, I’ll buy you your favourite ice cream after we leave from here”. I readily agreed. This 7 year old had no problems with the answer his father gave for his question – Why?

Our thoughts, behaviours and actions stem from a single question – Why? This question arises from the most ancient part of our brain – the amygdala. What we do and how we do it are results of the answers and are formed in the neo-cortex, the more recently developed lobe in our brain.

Whatever we may say, there always is an eventual reason for our actions. The reason why one buys a Blackberry shirt goes beyond a simple “because it’s good.” It’s because he’s asked himself why he should buy the shirt and his brain responded by saying that it fits him well and makes him look good. The quality and colour are secondary. The buyer buys it because his “Why” has been answered, though he may not fully be aware of it. Successful marketers and companies selling stuff stimulate our amygdala; they create an emotional bond with us. They give us a reason to buy from them. Simon Sinek, in the video below, explains why Apple is such a thriving company while competition is always playing catch up.

Wasn't it awesome? People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. Which probably explains why Steve Jobs was so kick ass. By the time he was 25, he was worth $100 million. But it didn't matter to him. Why? Because he wanted to put a dent in the universe, not just make money. Martin Luther King’s & Gandhi’s ‘Why’ got them millions of followers. Why do people follow a good leader? Again, it’s beyond the “she’s a great person” dialogue. It’s because she inspires them, makes them feel good and cared for. The same concept goes for why a person may be despised.

So remember, if you want your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, or peers to do something or desist from it, you have to address their main question – Why? Why should they do what you say; what’s in it for them? If you’re a parent or a manager, this becomes even more important. You want your children and/or subordinates to look up to you, right? So, if you want to bring about a change, you must address their “Why”. Like my dad did. The “because I said so” techniques won’t get you far. Then again, the question is – Why do you want your bidding done? For your good, or for theirs?

Forget the world, look at yourself. Why do you start a venture? Is it merely to make money or because you see a need in society which you can fulfill  If it’s the former, you almost certainly will fail. Why do you want to become a musician? Is it because you want to make beautiful music or just get laid? If it’s the latter, you may score the odd college-going girl, but you’ll never be a good musician. Why do you blog? Is it just to get hits or because you genuinely want to tell people something? If it’s just the former, your quality will barely improve. And while you may attract traffic through various sources, you barely will have any quality in that either. Why are you helping someone? Is it because you expect them to help you in return or is it just a selfless act? Once again, if it’s the former, you’re most certainly bound to get hurt if they don’t reciprocate.

It’s the thought and not merely the action that helps you achieve excellence and nobility. We live in a world where we’re judged every day. Plus, as Captain Jack Sparrow says “The world is the same. There’s just less in it.” We keep reading and hearing appalling news each day that shakes our faith just that little bit more. Staying noble and true to your values becomes difficult, but not impossible. Ask yourself the question ‘Why’ before you do something. Keep your intentions clean and your actions will follow suit. Your character will form your reputation and not vice versa. Live like all your actions will appear on the front page of the newspapers. For all you know, someday they will.

3 Quotes That Make Us Wake Up!

No Prelude needed. Simply enjoy these mind blowing and awesomely true quotes.

John Lennon Awesome!

Epic Steve Jobs words!

Why the world is in chaos!

What do you think?